Although I have many positive feelings about Moscow, I also have plenty of terribe thoughts.
The weather is horrible. Each day has less light than the previous one. Every day is grey and rainy or snowy. The cold bites harder and harder as winter progresses.
It take an hour to get anywhere because the city is so big. The people in the crowded metro are rude and push. Old ladies shove their way into trains before letting passengers off. A man once pushed me into a moving train he was trying to catch. Yesterday was the last time a running person knocked the wind out of me.
Muscovites (well, many) are reserved and hard to talk to. It's not easy to make friends because it's not easy or common to approach strangers.
I'm tired of being suspicious. Did this person give me fake money? Is my landlady going to try to up the rent again this month? People will take advantage of you in all kinds of situations anywhere in the world. I can get over-charged at a mechanic in America, but I know when it's happening and I know what to do. Here, I'm constantly getting told to watch out but I don't know what I'm watching for, what's going to go wrong next, or how to fix it.
As a result, I feel bitter. I feel resentful towards the people who push in the metro. I feel angry at the rough security guard who won't let me through even though I come to this place every day and he should know I have clearance. I don't want to say thank you to the unfriendly cashier or waitress. Even more so, I feel angry with myself every time I submit to those feelings. I don't like this defeatist attitude because the kindness far outweighs the negativity. This defeatist attitude is ugly and unlike me and I must fight harder: fight harder to win people over, try harder to not let other people leave bad impressions on my day, smile bigger when things aren't going the right way, and put the fire back into life when the cold Moscow wind knocks me down.
If this blog were nothing but rainbows and sunshine, it would be unrealistic propaganda. My next post will be about how much fun we had ice skating at one of the epic-sized rinks in Moscow; today's topic is just one side of the prism that is life.